Bad As A Mother

Are you bad as a mother?

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I have to admit that I really enjoy hosting, but I know that isn’t the case for everyone. Over the past few years, I have stumbled upon a rare breed of mom who never offers to host. No, I don’t mean an infrequent host. I mean someone who has never even extended an invitation to a single person. What.is.the.deal? Because I really want to know. I get that you may not willingly welcome 37 kids into your house along with their responsible adults, but come on. Am I crazy, or is this just really odd? Here are some of the actual excuses I have heard from moms who never host.

The “my house is too small” excuse:

Dude. Have you been to NYC at all? Most of my life was spent attending parties in apartments that were way too crowded. In fact, I’m pretty sure a few of those parties violated fire safety regulations, but thankfully we all made it out okay. I get it. We aren’t 21 and this isn’t a keg party, but even if you don’t want to invite a whole group, why not start with one person? I only have one kid, so feel free to invite me over as your host tester.

The “my house isn’t really baby-proofed” excuse:

You DO have a baby, yes? And presumably that baby resides in your home? No, I’m not making this one up. I swear someone said this to a group of moms when the hosting situation was getting super awkward. I’m sure that really means that you have some stuff that might get broken (as we all do) and you really don’t want anyone doing that (which I get.) Here’s a radical idea…move some of that stuff into a safe place and invite some non-destructive kids over. Better yet, funnel all of your guests into one kid-friendly area and call it a day. Still having some doubts? Invite me. Ya know, the one with ONE kid.

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The “I don’t want my stuff getting broken” excuse:

So this one is just like the last one but a tad more honest. This one basically translates into “I don’t want my house to get messed up.” It also means that this person is happy to bring her kids over to your home to destroy it, but isn’t into reciprocity. It’s not a party for Guns ‘N Roses, so there shouldn’t be a crippling fear of destruction. After hosting multiple events with as many as 15 kids in my small house, I can count the number of broken items on one hand. Most of those were toys belonging to my daughter. 100% of them were accidental breaks and zero of those items were my most prized possessions. Stuff sometimes gets broken. It’s called life.

The “I’m not a good host” excuse:

This is a nice little disclaimer that often garners some pity and responses of encouragement. It might be the most manipulative of them all. At the bare minimum, a host of a small play date needs to have a working faucet and maybe a pot of coffee or tea. Most moms I know bring their own snacks and drinks for themselves and their kids, so there isn’t much food prep involved. Nobody is asking you to make a six course meal. If you’re expecting some very hungry children then it’s pretty easy to order some pizza or buy a giant box of goldfish. It’s not really that complicated.

I’m always so confused by this rare breed of mom who never invites anyone to their home. IfΒ  it’s because you feel self-conscious about your home or your ability to host, well that just means you are hanging around with the wrong crowd. When you invite me over, I’m happy to have a place to sit (the floor works fine) and some time with you. Isn’t that what play dates are all about anyway?

Are you a mom who never hosts? I would love to hear why!

2 thoughts on “Dear Mom Who Doesn’t Host…

  1. How about I have a anxiety that would send me in absolute panic for every moment before the event ….a feeling of a grip so tight on my heart that almost paralyzed me….then months of agonizing of what I could have done better…and lord forbid…I should have to do it again. NO THANK YOU!

    1. Thanks for your comment. Anxiety can be scary and nobody would expect you to host if that were the case. I’m sure your friends would support you on that one πŸ˜‰

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