Bad As A Mother

Are you bad as a mother?

motherhood

When it comes to motherhood, I’m pretty sure that I’ve been fed some lies. Some were big and others were small. Many involved me wanting to find the person who led me to believe the lie. Perhaps give them a stern talking to? Mostly to ask them why on earth they gave me such unreliable information. Here are some of my worst offenders.

You will “know what to do”

So um..about that. Are you crazy? If there was ever a job that where incompetence seems inevitable, it’s motherhood. Especially in the beginning. Everyone was quick to exclaim that I would “know what to do” when I began to stress about anything. Guess what? I didn’t. Thank God for Google. Some of y’all have this motherhood thing on lock. Five years in and I’m still working out the kinks. I keep telling myself it’s all about trial and error.

This sippy cup will not leak

But it will. I have tried them all. The ones with the straws, the ones with the locking top and the ones with the locking lid. Lies. all lies. Each one of them has leaked on me at some point, but especially at the most inopportune moments. No, I didn’t pee my pants. That’s the water from my child’s sippy cup all over my crotch. Despite the “leak free” advertisements, you will find that they all leak. Every last one.

Diaper bags help you stay organized

Do they? Because the last time I used one, my stuff was everywhere. I was carrying 700 diapers, 97 bottles and a case of wipes. Okay maybe not that many, but I could NEVER find what I needed. I went through 4 diaper bags and settled on a giant backpack. I mean…why not? I had to lower my standards. Yes, I only have one kid, so here’s the post detailing my incredibly easy life.

You will learn to enjoy children’s birthday parties

No. No you will not. Pick the two hour window during your weekend that will screw it up the most. That will be when the party is scheduled. Don’t forget the copious amounts of sugar that your child will ingest followed by an immediate return to your regularly scheduled weekend routine. Sound like fun? As an added bonus, there will be two hours of small talk you will make with other adults you’ve never met. Fun times.

Now before you go getting all cranky and thinking I am a miserable person, let me set you straight. This post is dedicated to all my fellow and future moms in the struggle. I want you to know that I empathize with you, especially if you have been a victim of these untruths. By the way if you need someone to test your new sippy cup, I’m your gal. Happy mom-ing!

What are some of your favorite lies?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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