Is it just me, or do you often find yourself hovering over the comment button on Facebook and thinking…should I type that? Most times, I gotta hold my tongue. Here are some of the most common offenders on Facebook and the comments I would really like to make.
To the woman who uploads the 4,900th picture of her kid…on Tuesday
What I want to comment: Dude, I’m sick of looking at your freaking kid. You love your kid. Your husband loves your kid. Probably I love your kid too, but I’m SO tired of seeing pics of your kid 400 times a day. It’s clogging up my news feed and I cannot see anyone else’s useless crap. I still love you, but Imma have to unfollow you. No offense.
To the woman who vague-books all day
You obviously need someone to ask you what’s wrong with your ambiguous posts like “Now I see who my real friends are” and “It’s time for some MAJOR life changes” Mmmk. I’m not sure who you are talking to, but I’m NOT going to add to the list of comments that read, “Oh no are you okay?” because you won’t answer any of those anyway. I really just want to comment, “SHUT UP!” But I won’t. I am trying to be supportive.
To the woman who posts “TMI” all over the book
If you have to preface your post with, “I’m sorry for the gross post” or “TMI alert” I’m wondering if you have ANYONE in your life that isn’t on Facebook. You know, like your husband, best friend, mom, or even a casual acquaintance that you can ask this disgusting question. There’s also WebMd, man. Save me from vomiting as I scroll past the nasty picture of your child’s open wound or bizarre skin rash. I want to just post the green vomit face in the comments, but instead I will say that I hope your kid feels better. I do mean that, but I still want to puke.
To the woman who posts the workout selfies EVERY.DAMN.DAY
Narcissist much? I mean, I get it that you work out (lots of us do) and I’m psyched that you have prioritized your health over lots of other things. However, unless you are a fitness trainer to the stars, I don’t need a photo or a video of you doing burpees each day. We know they are hard. Nobody freaking likes burpees, but I don’t need to relive my workout on your live feed. You aren’t motivating me. I’m just annoyed. I want to comment that if I see another workout pic or video from you I might punch you in the throat. Luckily, I have some self-control. But that ish ain’t gonna last long.
The MLM Baiters
I fully support your side hustle, so don’t send me hate mail. I will support your business if you give it to me straight. Tell me you want to sell me some eye cream and I’m on board. Tell me you want me to buy some leggings and I will show up to your party. For the love of God, don’t pull that bait and switch on me. Don’t post some sensationalist crap on and then try to hustle me out of $400 to become a member, associate, or whatever the hell words you are calling it. Not cool, yo. Not cool.
Facebook is some crazy stuff and it’s a free-flowing pile of political, personal, religious, selfie-filled, fitness, promotional madness. Let’s all try to make it as painless as possible. We could all use a little less aggravation in our lives. Just sayin’
Mom, wife, educator, and loyal friend. Passionate about all things reading and writing. Sharing parenting tips with an educator’s lens.